Warning: Profanity-laden rant ahoy.

Ok, assholes of the world -- let's get one thing straight. In this state, I as a pedestrian have the right of way in a crosswalk, unless it's a red light.

So if I am crossing a rarely-used side street, no lights in sight, you can wait the bloody fucking thirty seconds it takes me to fucking walk across the ten feet of the street to the other side.

So hold your goddamned horses and don't fucking honk at me cause I'm in your fucking precious way. Those thirty seconds you spend waiting for me won't matter when you're home three minutes later. All you do is make me fucking pissed off and more likely to walk slower, asshole.

I've got fucking long legs and a brisk pace, especially if the mp3 player's got a fast song on, which it usually does. SO I'm not inconveniencing you all that fucking much. Bloody sit the fuck down in your fucking giant ass SUV and wait. It won't bloody kill you. Pretty sure you're not the one freezing your extremities off in a half mile walk home from your bus stop. You and your most likely heated car can just sit there and take it. It's THIRTY BLOODY SECONDS.

And yes, I did flip you off as you drove by. I dunno if you could see it cause it's FUCKING DARK OUT and I wear black gloves. So go to hell.

die in a fire

Well, really it's tomorrow already but I'm trying to make sure I have something to say everyday.

Tonight all I got is that my house is ridiculous. It was built way long ago (so long ago it has really funky light switches in the back of the house (I'll take photos for tomorrow's post). I suspect it was around before electricity became common place, because the outlets are ancient. Most of them cannot support the three prongs, and that makes life difficult in a technologic world. I'm absolutely certain that this place is doomed to end in a conflagration because the wiring is so out of date.

Sometimes when I run the microwave or the toaster oven the lights in the kitchen dim. I can't run the microwave and the popcorn maker at the same time, or both slow down. Sometimes plugging things in results in a large shock of electricity. And the lights have to be fiddled with in order to turn on occasionally. SO yes, death by fire. Wait, what was I going on about?

Oh, right. In my bedroom I have two outlets. One is by the door, and the other is behind my bed. WHy, you ask, would I block off a perfectly good outlet with my bed? I'll answer that. My room is TINY. There's a giant radiator that takes up a good two feet of the middle of one wall, and when the room is 7X7, that makes it really difficult to place anything without blocking the door or the radiator, once again causing a risk of death by fire.

My outlets are newer, as they support three prongs (Thank your deity of choice here). But I have to run an extension cord across the room to my computer in order to run it. Th extension cord in turn supports the surge protector. Greaaaaaat. Even more death by fire.

The point of all this is, I have to wait for one cell phone to finish charging in order to charge the other one because I have too much stuff plugged into one outlet. #firstworldproblems

cheating is for losers

I find it kind of interesting this confluence of articles I came across yesterday. I was gonna post them then, but the 100k thing happened and I went with that instead.

I am certain that none of you live under a rock and know at least somewhat the situation with Tiger Woods lately. It's been pretty much everywhere lately, and it's an incredibly sad story.

I want to point out that everyone has been screaming for Elin Nordegren to divorce Tiger Woods over these allegations. Understandable, but it is her decision. If they work it out, the more power to them, but if not I don't blame her in the least for dumping him and taking his kids and money.

This leads to two other articles I read yesterday. I don't know if any of you remember the story of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Sanford was the asshole who went missing for a few days "camping" in the Appalachians. Except by camping he meant flying. And instead of Appalachians, he meant Argentina. I can see how he got them confused. Except for the part where, once in Argentina he met up with his "soul mate" who he cheated on his wife with for several years.

Well, Mrs Sanford wasn't going to take this shit lying down. (Good on her!) She took their kids and moved out, and told her husband it was up to him to make the effort to rebuild their family. While he hemmed and hawed and told the media he was going to "try to fall back in love" with his wife, she kept on being a HBIC. And when she gave up on him, she dumped him and moved her things out of the Governor's Mansion. None of this stand by her man stuff. Love this woman.

So i switched from annoyed to happy and then to a complete WTF? when I read this article. The TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) rejected a huge advertising spread from Ashley Madison. Well, you say, why would they do that? 250k is a lot of money that could go to upgrades and maintenance! Well, when you realize that Ashley Madison is in fact a dating site that markets to people wanting to cheat on their significant others, you can see why they chose to reject that particular bid.

I adamantly refuse to link to Ashley Madison, so if you want to check them out, go ahead. But click the unfriend button first, thank you.

The CEO of the company then had the gall to say, "Nobody out there at the TTC should be creating morality judgments," he said. "They should be in the business of trying to operate transit lines." Sure, they're in the business of operating subways and stuff, but you're breaking up families.

My take on NY-23.

So some of you might know that Representative John McHugh (R-Pierrepont Manor) is now the Secretary of the Army, after chairing the Armed Forces committee for years. This appointment led to the vacancy in New York's 23rd district, which just happens to be the same one I am from. This always-ignored corner of New York, right on the Canadian border and NO, not anywhere near Buffalo thank you very much, suddenly found itself in the national spotlight. The district found itself suddenly in a three way race, as the GOP endorsed State Assemblywoman Dierdre Scozzafava, and Democrat Bill Owens ran the race, with Conservative Candidate Doug Hoffman also in the mix.

As it got closer to the election, Hoffman and Owens cut into Scozzafava's lead, and NY-23, aka Northern New York finally made national spotlight for something other than gang rape or a famous football player. (Don't ask about the former.) Newt Gingrich endorsed Scozzafava, and Sarah Palin came out for Hoffman. This article from the New York Times sums up pretty well what happened next.

Basically, Hoffman cut into Scozzafava's lead enough, spending more money than she had from Palin's BFFs across the country. She withdrew from the race Saturday morning. Today, Ms. Scozzafava endorsed Bill Owens for the district win.

None of this really bothers me, except the fact that Hoffman doesn't even LIVE in NY-23. That is correct, sir. While Scozzafava and Owens have lived in the district (and full disclosure: she used to live right behind our house when I was a kid), and Hoffman does not. That is a problem to me. While I don't live in that district anymore, I always have a difficult time accepting politicians from other locales running the government where I live. I'm looking at you, Secretary Clinton. I was excited for Kirsten Gillibrand's appointment as a senator because for once we got an upstate senator, even if she was from Albany. It's closer. Not like Arkansas.

Now to be fair, Hoffman is from Lake Placid, which is south of the district but still in the Adirondacks. You might know it as the place where the Miracle on Ice happened. It's very far north, but it's not in NY-23, and Hoffman shouldn't be elected as its Representative.

Course, I shot myself in the foot by failing to mail my application for an absentee ballot last week. Whoops. I hope Owens doesn't lose by one vote.

not even joking

Guys






Guys








Guess what?



Guess what I unpacked today at work?




If you guessed Stirrup pants you would be correct.

FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLll.

Things I like!

This article refers to Brian Leonard, the only NFL player to come out of Gouverneur, NY. It's really cool to read about your hometown on a major NFL team's site:

If you want lights, you have to go to Massena or Ogdensburg, or Indian River, the larger outposts in the upper reaches of New York State sprawling between the Adirondack foothills and the Thousand Islands perched in the St. Lawrence River.

But Brian Leonard put Class C Gouverneur on the map long before he saved September for Bengaldom with a DVD 11-yard run-and-catch on fourth-and-10 with 36 seconds left during a game the Bengals needed a touchdown to survive Pittsburgh’s annual tempest.

Or, it’s more like Gouverneur put Leonard on the map. If you drive into town on its one main street, Main Street (yes, really), it is also Route 11 and there is a sign that says it is the home of Brian Leonard, complete with the helmets of Gouverneur, Rutgers and the Bengals.

The same sign is on the other way into town, Route 58. And if you miss it and it is Sunday you can go to the Four-by-Four Country Club and catch him on the TV, where about 50 to 60 people are still watching Leonard ply his trade as an NFL handyman.

Or you could try the Casablanca, the postgame football hangout where Devlin and his coaches commiserate and mingle with the community and parents.

Hey, at least this time the Casi's getting GOOD publicity, amirite?

On an unrelated note, Chris Rock's comments about Polanski made my day: Rock says at the end of the clip: "The United States, we want to capture Osama Bin Laden, and murder him. We don't want to rape him - that would be barbaric!"

stupid scam artists

Segue!

tonight's adventure comes courtesy of a customer who thought she could pull a fast one on me.

She works at a neighbouring store, one of the kiosks outside in the mall, and she comes in all the time after closing down her kiosk early. Five minutes before we close, she starts browsing and stays til 9:40ish. The other night she had come in asking about x-small belts, which we don't have yet, and this evening she had come in earlier to return something. Then she came back in as I said, 9:25, and started browsing. So I asked her if she needed help, and she said no. She then asked about the belts again and my coworker took her over to them to pick one out for her.

She decided on one, then headed to the clearanced jewelry rack. I asked her if I could start ringing her stuff up for her while she browsed a bit more, cause it was 9:40 when she went over there. She said, "no, that's fine I'll be only five more minutes or so." Fine, whatever.

So she finally comes over and I punch in her telephone number and rewards card, and start ringing her up. I started with her belt and then scanned in her pants, which rang up at 70% off. I thought that odd but we did have a random pair someone returned the other day, so I set them down. Then I picked up the sweaters she had, and I set them back down.

The tickets on the sweaters were red slashed, which meant that they were clearanced. Except that these were brand new sweaters we had just gotten in a couple of weeks ago and were not even on any type of sale yet. I explained this to her and told her that I would not be able to selll them to her at that price. My coworker then grabbed the pants and we noticed that the tickets had been switched on that one too.

So suddenly she didn't want any of it, and she left at 9:45, not buying a damned thing. Now I have no proof that she did switch the tickets, but it is very suspicious. I called my Loss Prevention line and my store manager and let them both know what was going on, so that was fun.

My guess is that she figured we'd be more interested in getting out of the store and not paying attention to what we were ringing up. The tags on the sweaters and pants didn't match the type of items -- they were number sizes on the tags and XS sweaters/pants.

important things

I use my cell phone as my alarm clock. For some reason I use my cell phone ringtone as the alarm sound. So I set the alarm for 0730 this morning and I heard it go off. So I opened the phone and I was just about to push the snooze button when I hear someone go, "Hello? Helloooooooooo." The phone was ringing!

AT OH SEVEN THIRTY. WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY. And she's all asking me questions and giving me advice on finding a new roommate (the caller was my landlady). I can't process stuff at that early o'clock.


Also I had something very hideous to show you that I got in @ work but I can't find it on the website other than on the main page, which I am currently uploading to photobucket.



This is just...too much. And it's not even real fur, it's faux fur. I ...there are no words to describe how much I want to light it on fire.

Anyway, so can feel better, I'm finished with NCIS completely until the season premiere on 18 September ;)

Right now I'm subsisting on internet stolen from an unlocked wireless connection. Like I told my dad, "if you're not gonna lock it, I'm gonna use it."

ehjay doesn't twitter

I don't want a twitter.
I don't need a twitter.

But everyone I know has a twitter.

REMIND ME WHY NOT TO GET A TWITTER.



I am not actually going to get a twitter. I intend to remain the final holdout from Twitter

Get out of my line.

So we have a big sale going on. A lot of clearance is 5.99, including old colours of camis, and tank tops. So a lady comes up to me with a bunch of the basic colours that never go on sale, cause we sell them at full price all year round. "How much are these?"

"Buy one get one half," I said.

"But the sign said they were 5.99."

"No, just those colours are 5.99. Did you get them off that rack?"

"No."

Well then NO DISCOUNT FOR YOU.

Later, a lady brought up five of them; cashier rang them up.
"I thought those were five for 20."
....
"No, they're buy one get one half."

"The sign over there says it."

"That's for the panties."

"Well you should have a descriptor on it to make it clearer."

"Oh, you mean like the one that says CITY STYLE PANTIES right on top of the 5 for 20 sign?"

"Oh."

Yeah that's right.

And my favourite type of customer:
Coupon for 20/60. Her items totalled 49.90. I suggested socks, to which she said, "oh my friend LOVES socks!" Then she wandered into the 9.99 clearance, and to save her from eventual heartbreak, I told her that the clearance stuff we cant use the coupon on. To which she storms back over to the register to say, "What, so you can't use your coupon on anything? Ugh, and to spend ten dollars to save twenty. What the hell."

Roughly 1/6 of the store is clearance. Probably less than that. Also, you managed to find $50 worth of stuff already, what's stopping you from finding $10 more? Three pairs of socks for your friend who loves socks would have done it. Jesus, get out of my line and go away.

Current Music: Loreena McKennitt - The Mummers Dance

On fire alarms and the setting of them off...

A few days ago, my friends Nicole and Tim gave me a ride home from work, but they needed to stop at the store for some ingredients in the icebox cookies she was going to make. Since they wandered down the frozen foods aisle, I picked up a pizza thing for dinner. Then we spotted the Disney pizzas. One was shaped like Mickey Mouse. Tim convinced me to get it.

Until today I had never tried using our gas oven, afraid of pulling a Sylvia Plath. I put the pizza in it and was rewarded by seeing the blue flames at the bottom of the thing. (Google assured me this was normal, as I cannot describe it accurately). So I let the pizza cook for abut eight of the fifteen minutes as recommended by the box. At the eight minute mark, the smoke alarm goes off.

First instinct was to check the oven. Pizza was cooking along normally, nothing wrong. So I did my Standard Operating Procedure in these situations: Open up the kitchen door to the outside, and yell at the Alarm.

This time the technique failed, and it continued to go off. Still frightened by the powers of the gas oven, I turned it off. It did not help. So I turned off the kitchen light and tried to find the smoke alarm. Side note: I did not know where the alarm was, let alone that we had one til I set it off one night. I did not find the source of the noise until today. I stood up on a chair and surveyed the kitchen and finally found the goddamned thing on top of a shelf. I wrenched the battery out of it and it shut the fuck up.

I then ate my delicious delicious pizza and declared victory over the smoke detector. After I finished making dinner tonight I put the battery back in the smoke detector, but now I know thine enemy.

(I know Candice and Ash will appreciate this: when I was yelling at the smoke alarm, I thought of the infamous "SHUT UP, STOVE, THE OVEN'S ON FIRE!")

Current music: Dropkick Murphys - Boys on the Docks